Take me
by An Engineer
Summary: Burned out flames should never reignite, but I thought you might... SasuSaku. Canon.
1. Strangers

**~ Take me**

**Chapter 1 - Strangers**

* * *

**for Daughter and their lovely songs "Home" and "Landfill", which stab right through my chest every time.**

**_~ o ~_**

**_Burned out flames should never reignite... but I thought you might._**

* * *

_She isn't the first to find him, or even the second._

* * *

The three of them always conspired, as a team, to become a team once more. To make themselves one again _as_ one. Sakura pretends she doesn't notice Naruto and Kakashi going off behind her back, stamping things with "need to know" and deciding she doesn't. Pretends it makes her angry inside, when really all the slight leaves in its wake is a frigid, numb _loneliness_.

She scares the shit out of them with the stunt she pulls with the sleeping gas; the memory of it still wrenches an upwards twist of a smile from her thin, unhappy lips. Sakura sometimes almost wishes something _had_ happened before her _eternal protectors_ could track her down. It would serve them right for treating her the way they do.

She is just _so_ fucking sick of being the sunshine. Brightening the lives of her boys and letting them, the clouds roll in to protect her. Blot her out. Because – goddamnit – she is powerful too. If they would just stop covering her, they'd notice. Kakashi and Naruto look at her and still see a twelve year old crying from the pain of her bruised little heart.

The team mom, a bit of comic relief, the weakness to protect – she hates these roles that somehow always get forced onto her. On the bench, the sidelines. Barely _any_ lines in the script of their lives. Lady in waiting. Not even a real main fucking character.

* * *

_Naruto brings him back in, of course. Kakashi was part of the team. She's not even allowed the brief bit of a part they'll ever begrudgingly relegate to her – healer. Tsunade's hands do the trick just fine._

* * *

It astounds her, after knowing each other so intimately for _five years_, that they can be so blind to each other.

She realizes intuitively that to Naruto, Sasuke is _his_. He claims the right to some final fight of glory and realization, and it will be his shoulders that will support one of Sasuke's bruised arms, his own limbs that will similarly be wrapped around his long lost friend. They'll stumble through the great green gates of Konoha that way, grinning like fiends (or at least Naruto will be). Sakura doesn't know who the hell it was who said so, but it is plain that someone somewhere has decided, decreed that brotherly love and bonds come over that stupid girl who pledged her heart once upon a time. There are clear levels to the different bonds that Naruto and Sakura claim to Sasuke, and it is plain that Naruto's ranks higher than hers.

_Well who the bloody fuck says so?_

They don't know all those nights she laid in bed, gasping and shuddering because the pain of her loss was like a physical wound to the chest, keeping her from breathing. Her lungs haven't felt full in a long, long time. There are knots in her stomach that are soldered together; there's no untying herself from their heaviness.

Her pain isn't irrelevant just because it doesn't have to do with her family, just because the trauma hasn't been around to fester for a decade. She almost finds it funny that Naruto doesn't get it, when she thinks about the words Sasuke spoke to him that last time when they were thirteen.

Naruto could never understand the pain of losing his family – what Sasuke had loved the most – because he had always been lonely, was used to it, had never had anything better for comparison. Then what the hell is their excuse regarding Sakura? She loved, she lost, she's entitled to be fucked up now too. Join their exclusive little manpain club.

* * *

_Neji Hyuga was on the team... and Sai, and Yamato, and..._

_... four, five, six, seven..._

* * *

She throws herself more than ever into medicine, into healing. She's desperate to, no, _obsessed with_ becoming someone useful. In the back of her mind Sakura can't help but feel the old self-consciousness, seeping out of its carefully sealed little box like poison gas, tainting her every thought. She starts to think there must be a reason they exclude her, throw themselves in front of her feeble efforts before she can damn herself.

She must be unworthy. Unworthy of them the way she was unworthy of _him_ five long years ago. It makes her want to strike the earth into piles of rubble until she's destroyed everything and buried herself in the anarchy.

She actually starts out in the training fields until she realizes just how much the world dwarfs her. The reaffirmed inferiority of her existence makes her want to cry hot tears of frustration. But she keeps punching.

* * *

_Then there were the guards. The officials. Government people. Hospital people. The Fire Land daimyo was even rumored to have made an appearance._

_Eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve... too many to even count for sure._

* * *

It is Kakashi who comes to her one day with sharp pains in his left eye – his sharingan eye. They're not the usual debilitating pangs he gets after using it, and he's afraid.

Sakura finds, in her analysis, a nerve at the back of the retina that has been improperly connected for all these years and under dangerous stress. By now even she has been let in on the story behind Rin, Obito, and the organ's hasty transplant. As it was the little girl on his old team who facilitated the gift of his reinvigored sight, now it is his little girl pupil who saves the organ and his ninja career.

As she washes her hands after the successful retransplant, the realization finally hits her.

How in God's name can they be considered more important than her? They whose sole role is to destroy, while she heals, creates. Everyone knows destruction is easy, that the universe has a tendency toward chaos, while the real fight is to build something up, to try your damnedest to not let everything simply go to hell. They who kill and fight and sneak and break bodies and hearts. She stitches those bodies back up, tries her best with hearts, and gets between as many fights as she can, as she did one day between two stupid, stupid boys on the hospital roof.

It makes her angry again. And then, she's also angry with herself for believing in it as well.

Because she _is_ worthy.

In fact, maybe _they're_ the ones who aren't, the ones who should beg to be stitched up because of their own ridiculous violence by her righteous hands, and the ones who deserve to be told 'no'.

* * *

_"Sakura."_

_She works it out in her head. She is approximately the twenty-third person to lay her olivine eyes on him._

_They couldn't be bothered to tell her. The courts and the government and maybe the Daimyo himself if the stories are true of course couldn't be bothered with her, probably don't even realize that the name of Tsunade-sama's budding young prodigy happens to crop up in conjunction with the story of the infamous/glorious/finally home Sasuke Uchiha._

_Naruto and Kakashi's silence hurts much more._

* * *

She is a part of their team again because they ask, for old time's sake no doubt, and unlike them her job is not to wound or destroy or manipulate but to heal, to make everything okay again.

So Sakura goes out for ramen with the lot of them. Intervenes in any of the arguments that are still quick to blossom between the two boys. Chides Kakashi for reading at the table. Takes up the role they expect of her. She knows Naruto and Kakashi are desperate for nothing to have changed between them, and who is she to get in the way of their happiness when she has the power to facilitate it? She's too much of a healer to do otherwise.

The only changes are for Sasuke. Forever her exception… She's polite, but barely spends an unnecessary word on him. Sakura thinks she wouldn't even know what to say; she's the only one of them who seems to see that in four years he has changed, has become more of a stranger who must be reclaimed in tiny degrees, the way it worked when they were all first strangers in the beginning. Only this time around, she won't be so keen to unravel the twisted threads that are Sasuke Uchiha's life.

She knows from experience that it's probably one of the few puzzles ultimately past her ability to solve.

* * *

_"... Sasuke."_ _Tsunade trails behind him, and behind her she is sure she can see Naruto's spiky, blond head._

_"His eyes..." her teacher starts, but she raises her gloved hand. Turns her back and motions for them to follow her to an empty room. She remembers the blood that dripped unnaturally from those precious sharingan eyes. She has come to be an expert in ocular injuries, and her teacher is starting to get too old for delicate procedures as it is._

_Sakura wonders, as she removes her gloves and looks at his eyes without really meeting them, if nothing had been wrong with him, would she have been the thirtieth person instead? Maybe the fortieth?_

* * *

They're never alone. Naruto certainly makes sure of that; he hangs onto his newly-reclaimed best friend as if he's afraid one night he'll wake up to find he's disappeared again. At first she can't help but feel reflexively a little petulant, like the blond is hogging a toy she wants. She starts to be glad of this as she attempts one day to think through how a conversation between her and her old love would actually go, with a river called Five Years of Chaos rushing between them.

She never meets his black gaze for long enough to see if he even cares.

* * *

Tsunade checks her out one day; the matronly woman has noticed her looking paler, and clutching at her stomach as if she is in pain. Sakura puts up with the exam, and her beloved teacher's motherly clucking. She knows she won't find anything physically wrong with her, because she has felt these pains before.

She's out with her boys nearly every day. Even still sees Ino, Hinata and Tenten on the weekends or whenever Naruto has dragged his shy brunette girlfriend along to a Team Seven social. She is not alone.

Yet they are the pains of loneliness, the pains of despair at a loss that feels unrecoverable.

She wishes terribly that the fact that he is home safe and sound was enough for her, but it's more complicated than that. It always is with him, Sakura thinks with frustration.

Every night since her second ever operation on sharingan eyes she has been an insomniac writhing between hot, scratchy sheets, pinned beneath the memory of his dark dark gaze.

* * *

The weather is cold. Kakashi doesn't feel like going out to join them, even though they have moved their gathering from the freezing outdoor Ichiraku stall and into a nearby restaurant. It's dim and nearly empty inside. Naruto has brought Hinata, so she is forced to sit next to Sasuke in the booth-style seats. Shivers without it having to do with the icy rain splattering into the windows outside.

She nurses her tea broodingly, and one of the things that has not really changed about Sasuke is his taciturnity. In the void of lively conversation, Naruto won't stop kissing Hinata. Sakura shakes her head at him, but she's gotten used to it. Sasuke makes a face of distaste and mutters something insulting. Their blond teammate decides his efforts would be better spent with his girlfriend that arguing, so the two get up and leave. Sakura wistfully watches his warm, orange-clad arms twist around her friend's petite form, before the warm body next to _her_ calls her attention to the fact that she is now

_alone with_ _him_.

His eyes are on her, something that was uncharacteristic back in their genin days. She refuses to pay enough attention to see what is now normal for him. Pretends she doesn't care either.

He is by no means abnormally close to her – it's a wide enough booth – but the heat of him is suddenly searing her, hotter than the fresh food that has been brought to the table. She swallows and her throat is dry.

Sasuke raises a hand; she has been watching him from the corner of her eye, and she flinches. But he only takes up a pair of chopsticks, digs into his rice.

In her mind she sees his raised hand, glowing blue with chidori. Heading for her.

Sakura pushes her plate of food roughly away from her; the porcelain makes a harsh scraping sound against the wood of the table. She nearly trips out of the booth in her haste to get away.

She doesn't think she can feel safe with him anymore.

What she can't believe is that she thinks she still loves him in spite of it.

What else she cannot believe is that, after everything she has been through, she can be _that_ fucking _stupid_.

* * *

_The green glow of her chakra scalpel fades away. Her steady fingers tie a clean, white bandage around his eyes, taking care not to tug at his dark hair where it still sticks up in the back. He's been quiet throughout the operation and so has she._

_"Your eyes should finish healing completely in the next two days. Rest them until that amount of time is up and I can come check on you." She breaks the silence first. Her voice is crisp, businesslike, succinct._

_"Sakura..."_

_"I have a lot of other patients I need to get back to. But it's nice to see you back." She turns to leave. He can't see her going, but he can hear her. Her feet are just recrossing the threshold of the room when she hears it._

_"...Thank you."_

_The same as that night five years ago, she is incapable of saying anything in response._

_She doesn't go back to any of the other patients she claimed to be so busy with. She walks with slow, precise steps for as long as she can bear it, until the burning heat in her eyes is starting to spill out in great molten tears and then she is running. She makes it to her little broom closet of an office that is on the same hallway as Tsunade's. Tucks up her legs to her chest like maybe if she can crawl into a small enough ball, the pain inside of her will somehow become smaller too._

_She weeps for Sasuke Uchiha and it is another one of those things that happens more times than she can count with certainty. It could be the twenty-third, the thirtieth, or even the fortieth. Maybe more._

_But she knows it is the first time that the tears have come from happiness. He's home, and that's all that really matters right now. He's home._

* * *

She makes it to the alleyway behind the restaurant – it is dark from the rainclouds but there is an eave overhead that keeps the freezing rain from her skin – before a searing hand catches her wrist.

He towers over her, coal eyes searching, noticing how she flinches again at his touch.

"Sakura."

She doesn't answer, keeps her green green eyes carefully away from his. Tries to snatch her wrist back.

He enunciates again. "What is it?"

She fights the urge to snap back a hostile '_what do you care?'_

Instead, the words just tumble out of her without prelude. Really, why beat around the bush?

"You tried to kill me, Sasuke. Do you see why that might not make me too keen to be alone with you?"

He stiffens visibly, but doesn't release her wrist. Her hand feels like it has pins and needles in it. She squirms in his hold, uneasy.

"You tried to kill me first," he finally bites back.

Sakura fights the urge to gasp. She finally raises her gaze to meet his and he sees that it is hard and angry. A state he's almost never seen her eyes in, not while directed at_him_.

"If you remember it so clearly, Sasuke, then you should also recall that I couldn't fucking bring myself to finish the job. I know it's a common posture of yours to have your back turned to me, so you've never exactly been able to see what's going on with me. But when I held that knife to your back... I was fooling myself to think I could ever bring myself to so much as cut you." Her voice is bitter, like she's spitting poison instead of words at him. "Yeah. That's me. The team _fool_."

He's unresponsive for so long, his dark eyes unreadable to her, that she scoffs and turns away from him, easily breaking the hold on her wrist that has gone slack. She's taken three steps away and back down the wet alley and towards the street before he opens his mouth again.

"Well you're still here too, Sakura. Maybe I couldn't bring myself to do it either."

She doesn't bother to stop walking as she responds.

"No, Sasuke. No. Kakashi and Naruto stopped you. I didn't mean anything to you. I _don't_ mean anything to you."

"They came before you could see if I would really do it. You don't know if I really would have, Sakura."

She notes that he does not contradict her statements. She notes that he chooses to refute her not by reassuring her that he would never hurt her, but by telling her _she doesn't know_.

Yeah? Well, she's sick of them all telling her how inferior she is, how little they think she knows. She knows better than to blindly listen now.

Sakura finally turns around to look at him as she delivers her parting line. Her green eyes are blanker than he's ever seen them, and her face is cold. Her expression says that she is weary, simply weary of listening to him and his excuses.

"No. I do know, Sasuke. I know because _I don't know you anymore_. And strangers don't have qualms over killing strangers."

He watches her walk away from him, and this time Sasuke Uchiha doesn't follow.


	2. Rapport

**~ Take me  
**

**Chapter 2- 'Rapport'  
**

* * *

_I did emergency surgery on myself  
I gouged a hole in my stomach  
A Cesarean section to remove all the dead butterflies  
But all that leaks out is acid  
That eats its way through my body  
Ruining every part of me that it touches  
And leaving behind a pain worse than the one it was supposed to alleviate_

_Just like him._

**_Things get worse before they get better._**

* * *

She sees him on Monday, just a day after their fight in the rain. Sakura pays attention just enough to notice that Sasuke seems surprised she is there. As if she would try and avoid him, rearrange her life around him. She clenches her fists. Those days are in the past now; she is not the one who deserted her place here, and she sure as hell is not going to just be edged out of the confining little niche she has worked so hard to scrape out for herself. Not by him.

Kakashi and Naruto are there as well; they are all gathered in the shinobi center outside of the Hokage's office, waiting for an assignment. A reunion mission has been hinted at being in the works for Team Seven for a few weeks now already. Naruto was the first to arrive, and Kakashi the last - as usual. Sakura listens to the blond spew happy chatter at Sasuke for a good fifteen minutes before their old sensei can show up, his visible eye crinkling up in a smile as he catches sight of Sasuke scowling at an over-eager Naruto. He places one hand on each of the boys' shoulders and sighs happily.

This annoys Sakura, but she doesn't show it. Why do they accept him so quickly and so easily? Any mission that does not strictly require a medic nin and Naruto and Kakashi are needling at _her_ to consider staying behind at the hospital. _No, Sakura. It's dangerous. We have it covered._ No shit it's dangerous; that's why she's kind of trained to be a ninja for most of her life. Same as them. She stifles her sigh of frustration.

Tsunade calls them in, and sure enough she has found a mission for the lot of them. It's a long one too, taking up at least a week once they are in position. It will take them days just to get there. It's a mission to take down a group of Mist criminals, and it is A-ranked.

Sakura feels Kakashi's gaze wander over to her for the first time at the revelation that it is practically an assassination mission they are going on. If he suggests that she sit this one out - the goddamned reunion mission - as if she is not a part of this group, she thinks she will probably scream. On the other hand she can tell he must be absolutely dying to team up with not just Naruto but Sasuke. It was no secret he was probably their sensei's favorite old student; got tutoring for the Chunin exams and everything. Sakura _thinks_ Kakashi likes working with Naruto nearly as much – he's an interesting partner with his bag of maverick tricks and unlimited chakra – but it's not like she can be certain. Not when she's only ever even been _along on_ one serious fight, and then he had them split up from each other. Separating the women from the men. Her triumph over Sasori, what was supposed to bring validation to her skills not as just a healer but as someone who could be _dangerous_, and they all miss it. Maybe don't even believe in it.

Tsunade seems to see past Sakura's careful façade down to her stricken expression underneath. She chooses her next words very purposefully. "I have picked each of you very specifically for the unique skills you all will contribute to this mission; you are not here to have a little 'reunion' on Village time! This is your job and you all will focus!" She growls at them gruffly, pretending to be completely serious. Sakura sends her teacher a silent thank you.

Team Seven scatters to their respective homes. They leave in the morning.

* * *

They are headed for a small coastal town in the east, a journey of about three days from Konoha and mostly over land that is still within their nation. It's a peaceful walk.

When they get far enough away from the Village and the sun is shining straight overhead, signaling a white, burning noon, Kakashi has them stop in the shade of the thinning forests of east Fire Country. He pulls out a stashed basket full of food, grinning behind his mask as the three of them throw down their bags and sit in the grass. To the reunion.

"To Team Seven, finally back together again!"

There are sweet rolls with syrup for Sakura, plain onigiri and seaweed for Sasuke, and ramen in a thermos for Naruto of course. All their favorites. Kakashi opens up a container of miso soup for himself. Their old teacher stops them before they dig in by clearing his throat. The three younger shinobi look up at him.

"From now on, I want us all to communicate better as a team. We need to be able to tell each other when something is wrong or if we have a problem. We need to be able to rely on each other."

After a split second to let the words sink in, Naruto nods vigorously in favor. Sasuke, sensing that since this addendum was primarily concocted because of his behavior and therefore his usual noncommittal "hn" would probably not suffice, gives a shallow nod. Sakura doesn't say anything or make any gesture of acquiescence; in fact, her throat has gone dry and her face suddenly feels hot. But they boys dig into their food, taking her agreement as a given. She lets it go, pops a sugary dumpling into her mouth. It feels sour in her stomach. She feels instinctively that this amendment will not fix anything for _her_ anyway.

They fall into light conversation, Naruto chattering happily while Kakashi sneaks peeks at a battered novel and Sakura focuses on smiling and laughing in all the right places. She wonders if she is truly the only one so uncomfortable with this. And she contemplates why.

Sasuke hardly speaks or reacts to anything, yet Naruto and Kakashi act more vibrantly and happily than they ever did when it was just her and the two of them. Why do they seem to so automatically have such a strong connection? She hears how selfish it sounds in her head, but she can't help it. Why is she never enough? What is she doing wrong?

She looks down at her bento box and she has only managed to swallow a few of the dumplings. She suddenly feels sick to her stomach though, and she recognizes the sharp, twisting pain, knows it's not the food. She slides the lid shut over her picked-at meal, pushes herself up off the ground and stretches the pins and needles out of her legs, trying to look offhand about it.

Kakashi looks up at her; she realizes it's one of the first times he's broken his attention from either Sasuke or Naruto.

"What is it, Sakura?"

She waves her hand nonchalantly, "I just promised Lady Tsunade I would give her daily updates on our position, so I should do it now since we'll probably be walking late tonight to make up for this time," she smiles, "I won't include the picnic, of course."

"Thanks, Sakura-chan!" Naruto grins around a mouthful of ramen, and Kakashi nods at her. She keeps her eyes away from Sasuke.

She walks a good distance back into the trees until they thicken around her, and she cannot hear Naruto's laugh any longer. Sakura bites her thumb, summons a small slug, and sends coordinates and the name of the town they will stop in for the night to her teacher. It's a quick chore, but she lingers – she has to.

She needs to catch her breath. The pain inside of her won't stay away, no matter how many times she or even Tsunade pokes at it with a glowing green finger. It takes hold of her now. Gasping, she lowers herself carefully into the shade of two thick elm trees, pushes her legs up to her chest and hugs them tight. It helps the ache a little, but not much. She doesn't know how it's only managed to get worse than it ever was before, now that _he_ is back, but it has. It makes her crazy, that she can still long for him so acutely, so painstakingly. If only they had psychiatric medical ninjutsu, because something surely must be wrong with her head...

"What are you doing?" The four simple words, uttered in a nearly inflectionless baritone, send all the blood rushing out of her face. It makes her stumble clumsily from the loss of oxygen to her brain as she pulls herself immediately to her feet. Sasuke stands a couple of meters away, leaning against a tree and watching her with a curious expression.

"Sending the report to Lady Tsunade." Her tone is clipped.

"I meant on the ground. Is something wrong with you?"

Sakura rolls her eyes at him, ignores the way the prickling in her stomach turns from agonizing to a kind of pleasant, burning pain when she has his eyes on her. "I'm the apprentice of the greatest medical nin who ever lived; don't you think I would heal myself if something was wrong with me?" She wishes. "And what are_ you_ doing over here?"

"If you're going to walk out this far alone you're supposed to have back-up, just in case."

"I can take care of myself now," she scowls. He smirks.

"Team protocol, if I recall."

"We could easily have changed it, in the _four years_ you were running around doing God knows what," she snaps. The way his body tenses, she knows he wasn't expecting her to so suddenly bring that up, to speak the words with a bitter, venomous edge to them, as if they are a weapon she is wielding against him. Sharp things coated in poison do seem to be her preferred approach with him; he recalls _that day_ very clearly. It's still fresh in his mind from their fight outside of the restaurant.

"I think there's something wrong here, and we're supposed to discuss it," Sasuke says stiffly, remembering the almost desperate fervor in Kakashi's words as he made them promise. Sakura's expression doesn't change; she doesn't even open her mouth. "But then you didn't promise him, did you?"

He was watching her, she realizes. He saw how she didn't give her acceptance, and how it didn't seem to be noticed or even required. Sakura forgot just how observant Sasuke Uchiha is. It's ironic, that of all people _he_ is the one who has finally paid attention to her. Against her will, a flood of memories suddenly inundates her.

She gives him a strange smile, and it's odd, because she's just dismissed him as nothing more than a stranger to her, yet he senses that the next words she speaks to him are words confided, words that have never made it to Naruto or Kakashi's ears.

"Not like it's really meant to apply to me anyway, seeing as I've always been more of an 'honorary' member of the team." Her tone is mocking.

His dark eyes narrow. "What it that supposed to mean, Sakura?"

She gives a short, harsh chuckle as she brushes the dirt from her backside and starts making her way back through the trees to the rest of their picnicking team.

"You'll figure it out."

* * *

Sasuke ignores her through the rest of their lunch, all the way up until they are checked into their rooms at a tiny inn nestled between the tall trees and barely visible from the road. Another perk of the unofficial official reunion mission; they could have just slept outside. Sakura sends warmer smiles to the stranger lady innkeeper and the boy who shows them their doors than she does to her stranger teammate.

It doesn't bother him; in fact it's strange, but he thinks Sakura of all people is being the most sensible about his return. He's been gone for four years; he _has_ changed, has become a stranger to them. Yet for the past month Naruto has been chattering on about things he doesn't have the faintest inkling about - Village gossip and techniques and what so and so is doing. He acts like he still knows everything about him. Every time Sasuke grits his teeth and prays for patience, because if he snaps there are only so many chances to fuck up before they execute you.

The fact that Sakura has changed so much too is proof, proof that time has indeed gone by and that fact must be faced. Kakashi may reread all his old novels until the pages crumble into dust, Naruto may still wear jumpsuits and eat ramen twice a day – but they can only go on for so long pretending. Problems aren't meant to be smoothed over until they're hopefully just rendered unnoticeable.

They are in a suite with four very small bedrooms for each of them to sleep in that connect to a little living/kitchenette area; if they all open their doors they can see each other. Naruto hollers goodnight out his open door, grinning in his frog pajamas as if it is a sleepover party instead of an assassination mission to a foreign country. Kakashi pokes his head out with a casual " 'night, guys" and a salute; he leaves his door ajar. Sakura walks between the rooms toward her door, with a glass of water from the sink clasped in her hands. She says her soft goodnight, smiling at the lot of them as if they are all still her boys, but Sasuke happens to be looking out of his door and sees the way it doesn't quite touch her eyes. She looks right back at him as she slips through the door to her own room and lets it close behind her. He hears the quiet but firm click as she locks it. As he gets up and heads for his bed, he does the same.

That's right. Strangers aren't supposed to be trusted.

For once he and Sakura Haruno are on the same page.

* * *

They make it into the town where they are supposed to be looking for their targets a day ahead of schedule. Sakura sends another message to Tsunade. She receives the reply that the Mist shinobi they are focusing on are at least a day or two _behind_ schedule. They will simply have to stay put.

It is Kakashi's idea that they use the extra time to train together, to get familiar again with each others' skills and styles. And so the four of them go out into the scraggly fringe of trees a few miles outside of the little town on the coast, bright and early in the morning.

It's only a warm up, but they start out with chakra control exercises by climbing up trees with the soles of their feet... and they all feel the déjà vu. The reborn Team 7's first A-rank mission is echoing the first ever A-rank mission three genin were accidentally saddled with five years ago. Down to being in Mist Country and everything. Sasuke has tried hard to repress memories like this over the past few years; it startles him when that mission manages to bubble up despite his efforts.

Just like when they were children, Naruto, skilled ninja that he is by now, loses his focus and lands smack on the ground, while Sakura with her superhuman control darts to the top faster than any of them. She goes up a second time before she quits the exercise and moves ahead of them, her short hair ruffled by her speed and her cheeks pink with exhilaration. She makes a few teasing remarks to the rest of them about needing practice, and she sounds just like the younger, happier version of herself. Beating them seems to put her in a better mood. Seeing her so light and young also starts to tug up the memory of thirteen-year-old Sakura that Sasuke has kept carefully buried in the recesses of his mind that he no longer visits. He struggles to repress it; it's a little disconcerting to see the difference between them, to see how serious and unhappy she seems to have become.

* * *

They go into town for dinner once it gets dark and the red, blue, and gold paper lanterns in the streets are lit. Naruto drags them to an outdoor noodle stand of course, claiming he wants to see how different Mist ramen is from Leaf ramen. Kakashi sighs and pulls out a book while they wait for their food, while Sakura scolds Naruto about never making healthy eating choices. Sasuke finds himself not brooding at his stool so much as quietly falling into his old role between the three of them. It's hard not to, when things like this seem to be so well preserved he could swear they're still thirteen right now. They remember which side he likes to sit on and how he gets green tea instead of oolong and everything.

There's a couple on a date, sitting at the other side of the noodle stand. The man feeds the girl noodles clumsily, and she blushes, scooting close enough to rest against his shoulder. Since Sasuke has been back Naruto has been focusing a lot on making up for lost time with his best friend, but this is one of the moments where he returns to his banter with Sakura.

The blond makes sure he's wiped any stray noodles off of his face, and then he drags his stool so that it's right up against Sakura's.

"The lanterns in this town are really pretty, huh, Sakura-chan? More colors than in Konoha. It's kinda romantic, right?" he grins at her.

"They are really nice; I like the blue ones," she responds as she picks at her udon; she seems to have missed the 'romantic' part.

Kakashi ignores them, more focused on the lovers in his novel than the young shinobi he's with. He knows by now that there's no getting his hopes up regarding watching anything interesting happen in his students' love lives. Sasuke listens to the banter, and it starts to stir up more memories.

"So... how about after training tomorrow just you and I get some food together? Like a date?" Naruto grins slyly. Kakashi sighs as if he has heard this before a thousand times, flicks a page boredly, and the withering look Sakura shoots the blond seems practiced. But it's news to Sasuke, and for some reason it catches his attention. Makes him annoyed that he's missed so much.

Even though now Sakura is chewing him out about how he should know better than to keep asking, it annoys Sasuke that Naruto has been asking Sakura out. He's not delusional; he knows damn well that he's the one who cut them off, tried to erase his spot in their lives, and they should be free to carry on without him. But for some reason this little reversal of their routines irritates him. Sasuke sighs heavily at his bowl, but his teammates are too busy arguing to hear.

It seems he isn't as disconnected from his old teammates as he had preferred to think. He may have been a stranger, but they already seem to be reclaiming him. He doesn't know yet if this is a good thing or not.

* * *

Naruto shouts his cheery goodnight. Light spills out past Kakashi's slightly open door as he stays up to read into the night. Sasuke hears the click of the lock on Sakura's door again. For some reason he can picture her very clearly, turning the lock and then falling onto her bed, curled up around her stomach with her arms struggling to hold herself in one piece – the way he found her in the woods. Despite her clipped interactions with him, he is still wondering about that.

Tonight he doesn't follow her example. Sasuke leaves the door between him and his teammates closed, but unlocked. He's not advertising it, but he'll let them in if they try.

* * *

After at least a tentative month together hanging around in Konoha, and three days into being together constantly on the mission, Kakashi decides that they should be comfortable enough sparring with each other. He and Naruto may be eager for the team to heal good as new, but this is a tough step even for them. It was only a year ago that they were all enemies throwing attacks at each other and aiming to kill. They have found a clear, open grassy space to practice on without worrying about destroying the trees and angering any locals. They all stand there now, in a tense little circle.

"There are four of us; we can have two fights going at a time," Naruto suggests. Despite the nervousness in his blue eyes, the excitement and eagerness just beneath is evident. His fingers twitch with his pent-up energy.

Kakashi purses his lips beneath his mask, "I think for now we'll go slow. One battle while the other two observe. It'll give us a better opportunity to objectively analyze the way the others move." 'And keep an eye on how far things go, so you don't kill each other' seems to hang in the air, and it's no longer quite just a joking phrase between them.

"Okay!" Naruto's spirit is not easily dampened, "I call first fight!" He immediately jogs into the center of the clearing.

"I second that," Sakura speaks up after a moment of tense silence between the three of them. She sensed Kakashi's thoughts in the moment, weighing the risks: a) let Naruto and Sasuke fight and risk them trying to kill each other, or b) fight Naruto himself but leave Sakura alone with Sasuke. She chooses the third option that she knows her sensei will never remember to consider. She is itching to show him...

Their old teacher blinks at the petite girl, already pulling on her gloves with a sort of grim air of anticipation, in surprise.

"Sakura, you don't have to fight; you're our medic. I know Lady Tsunade trained you in defense too, but I promise we'll be capable of covering you," he puts a hand on her shoulder. She fights the urge to lose her temper. Again, she is aware of Sasuke paying close attention to this. She feels an unexpected flare of embarrassment heat her skin.

"With all due respect, Kakashi-sensei, Tsunade-shishou said everyone was picked very specifically for their unique skill sets; you don't know if I'll be most useful as a fighter or a healer. She knows my skills, and she knows exactly what's required for this mission." Her green eyes implore him; for once he seems to dig a little deeper, see the desperation in her face, the desire to prove herself to them. The man's jaw locks – it goes against his first instinct to send the pupil he has always tried to protect into a fight with quite literally a demon – but he nods at her. She runs eagerly out to the middle of the field where Naruto is waiting, one hand raised for a high-five. The blond hesitates when he sees that he will be trying to pummel sweet, pink Sakura, but he slaps her hand back a beat late.

The two sharingan users back a good distance away to observe. Kakashi has his activated, but Sasuke gets the feeling that it's to keep watch over their safety rather than copy anyone's technique. Surely he would know his own students' moves. Sasuke settles back lazily to watch. He's never outright fought Sakura the way he has Naruto; he's curious what she has up her sleeves besides medical ninjutsu. The way Kakashi seems to be worrying himself, he wonders if _all_ she knows is medical ninjutsu.

Naruto and Sakura stand a few meters apart from each other in the grass; they look like they could be just having a conversation. Then Naruto kicks a leg out. Sakura's hands clasp together as if she is praying, and she disappears. Sasuke waits for the 'poof' of a substitution jutsu, but it never comes. Confused, he scans the field with his dark eyes. Then he hears Kakashi gasp under his breath. His one sharingan eye spins frantically with what it sees. In a blink Sasuke has activated his too.

Naruto is punching and kicking, making clones and using non-lethally aimed rasengans in quick succession. The Sakura he fights is crazy-skilled. She's faster than Kakashi, and stronger even than the horror stories Naruto's whispered to Sasuke about her breaking the ground apart. She can even use earth jutsu to counter his wind. Every move she makes is tinged an odd green though. In fact, the whole field seems slightly off-color to his sharingan eyes. And there are odd, displaced looking areas whenever Naruto makes an attack. It looks like two transparent worlds laid on top of each other. And then he catches a flash of pink, lurking off to the side in the edges of the trees' reach. Two flashes of pink rather, because at the moment Sakura also appears to be delivering a beautifully done roundhouse kick across the field.

Sasuke deactivates his sharingan just to be sure, lets the fiery eyes of his bloodline extinguish to coal. Sure enough, the real Naruto is frozen in place, his limbs occasionally twitching as he imagines he is attacking. Sakura looks like she is snickering as she holds her hand sign and waits for the right moment to break the jutsu and finish him off.

Genjutsu always was a big weakness of Naruto's. 'Too trusting', Sasuke used to scoff of his grinning friend. And genjutsu Sakura has used on Naruto. Very, very advanced genjutsu.

Her focus over her chakra is so great that she's able to move around as she holds the illusion. She saunters over to Naruto, hesitates a few moments, and Sasuke flicks back on the sharingan to see what vision she has for him now.

She plays on another of his weaknesses. The Sakura in the genjutsu is suddenly unable to dodge one of his rasengan attacks. It gets closer than the blond must have meant it to, because it hits her full in the stomach and sends her crashing to the ground. Naruto falls out of attack mode instantly and goes running for her body.

"Sakura-chan! _Sakura-chan_!" he hovers over her, his voice going thick with gathering tears. Sakura chooses that moment to dispel the genjutsu; the exact instant she drops it she reaches forward from where she has crept up behind Naruto and knocks him out cold. It's over. She's won.

Sasuke drops the sharingan as well, turns to Kakashi expecting the man to say something about the way she fought. He hadn't known what to expect at all – he knew Naruto had strength while Sakura had brains – but Kakashi should have some sort of verdict. To his surprise, the older man still hasn't covered his sharingan eye, but is continuing to stare at the practice field with it, dazed.

"Kakashi?"

"Did you see that, Sasuke?"

"What, the genjutsu? Of course," the Uchiha scoffs impatiently. Why is he reacting to strangely?

"Holy shit, Sakura..." the silver-haired man murmurs under his breath, his face white with shock. As if he has been completely surprised, blown away to know Sakura is capable of such things. And then it hits Sasuke.

"You didn't know she could do that," he guesses. How could he not know that?

"No," Kakashi confirms, still in a daze as the two of them watch Sakura head back to where they are standing, dragging Naruto along with her.

"I didn't know she left too. Who did she go train under?" Sasuke asks. He had always assumed Sakura had stayed behind in Konoha, always the good girl, while he played the traitor and Naruto went off with Jiraya (he had already talked Sasuke's ear off about all of his (often perverted) adventures). Perhaps he has found the reasoning behind such a different Sakura. She is so much stronger and serious and well-disciplined; he realizes it made perfect sense that she leave too. And that could be why Kakashi is so protective of the group now; he was left all alone.

Kakashi finally turns to Sasuke. Tucks up the sharingan safe and sound. "Sakura? No, she has never left the Village. She learned her medical skills training with Lady Tsunade."

"And you?" The dark-haired boy finds himself pressing, even though he has guessed the man's answer with an uncharacteristically cold feeling accompanying him in his chest at the realization.

"No, I never trained with her."

He is right. Their teacher, who had tutored him so diligently, so happily for the stupid Chunin Exams, given him his chidori and with it the basis for every lightning attack Sasuke had ever developed... He had just ignored Sakura for two, three years. Ignored her.

Sasuke's inner feelings of shock – for he is as composed as ever on the surface – are interrupted by Sakura reaching them. Her hair twists messily around her head, and her brow is slick with sweat at all the effort, but her face is radiant at the victory. There is a new light in her eyes that reminds Sasuke precisely of the color of sunlight shining through bright, green tree leaves. It's the first time he notices how much prettier she has actually gotten over the time they've been apart, when she isn't busy giving him the cold shoulder anyway. It surprises him.

"Who's next?" she grins elatedly as she carefully deposits a slowly awakening Naruto at Kakashi's feet. A pained look flies into the older man's eye.

"Okay, Sakura, that's enough. You're good for today; you just rest."

Always observant, Sasuke watches her face slowly fall. Suddenly he is so irritated with the man. Would it kill him to just tell her she had done well? It is so obviously what Sakura is craving; _he_, _Sasuke_, the unemotional traitor with the worst people skills in the Village can even see it. He sees Sakura vying for the man's approval, and he thinks it is exactly the way it had been between him and his own father. The Uchiha is bad with emotions, but he's definitely familiar with all of the bad ones – he remembers the pain of constantly failing to be recognized.

For the first time in a very long time, Sasuke Uchiha empathizes with someone. And Sakura Haruno, of all people. He opens his mouth.

"No, I want to fight her."

"...Sasuke?"

Sakura and Kakashi both gape, but then she recovers. A hard look comes into her eyes. She suddenly can't pull her mind away from _that day_. If she closed her eyes she feels certain she could see her shaking hand holding a knife dripping with poison, aimed straight at the fan printed on the fabric stretched over his noble back...

_He's a stranger he's a stranger he's a stranger he's a stranger_... she repeats over and over in her head, as if the words are a spell that will give her the strength she needs as she follows Sasuke out onto the practice field. Stares down that familiar Uchiha back again. By now Naruto has woken up; he and Kakashi stand at the edge of the battlefield, too shocked to even shout at them to stop. Sakura takes deep, focusing breaths, repeats her mantra, hardens her gaze against his as he turns to meet her eyes. Ignores the lurch in her heart that is equal parts nervousness and longing for this poker faced boy standing before her.

Sasuke doesn't hesitate as long as Naruto did; Sakura guesses it's because unlike the blond he has no qualms over hurting her. Because they have agreed they are strangers now.

And it's not like he hasn't hurt her countless times in the past as it is...

He kicks and punches; she dodges. He pulls out his sword to swipe at her, and the ground sinks out beneath him in a shockwave of skittering rubble. It's the first time he's seen this rumored superstrength, and he's impressed for a moment.

Sasuke feels a tugging at the edges of his vision. Genjutsu. It's so powerful that it pulls him under for a few moments before he can dispel it. Fleetingly, he is surrounded by cherry trees in full spring bloom. Petals swirl on a wind that he can really feel, and the smell is overwhelming. It's so pleasant he almost can't believe it's supposed to be an attack, and he lingers a split-second. But he remembers the way she can move while she casts, knows the girl's probably sneaking up on him this second.

He breaks the illusion but she manages to land a punch in his stomach anyway. The dark-haired boy recovers quickly, but she is right on him. He realizes, as she dances lithely and incessantly around him, that with her superstrength her favored style would be very close combat. So long as she's not worried about being the only medic and getting taken out at the expense of her team anyway. She could quite literally kill him with her pinky finger. But then so could he. The blue sparks of chidori erupt from the fingertips of his right arm almost unconsciously.

Sakura flinches violently, her green eyes wide and her body suddenly stiffening in its complex dance. Then he remembers in the restaurant, the way she ran away just from being alone with him. What must this be like for her, him facing her down with the exact same attack? He understands, lets the sparks die against his skin and mentally kicks himself for thoughtlessly using the move in front of her.

What Sasuke does _not_ understand at all is her ensuing reaction. The reflection of the chidori's lightning leaves her eyes as the sparks fade from his hand, but those eyes are suddenly blazing with an angry green electricity generated completely on their own.

"What are you doing?" she hisses at him. They have stopped striking each other at this point; now they are merely standing so close that if they were lovers they could have kissed.

He doesn't know how to answer her.

"You're trying to go easy on me," a look of mortified horror twists her face; it morphs seamlessly into pure anger. "As if I need it so badly! Get your head out of your ass, Sasuke. You're not as great as you think." She grips the fabric of his shirt as if she is about to throw him across the field. He realizes she probably _could_.

"You were wrong before," he finally admits, trying hard for the most diplomatic words. This only makes her shake with her fury.

"_Stop_ telling me what I do and do not know. As if you have any idea, or any right," she hisses, pushing him away from her.

"You were wrong in that we're not totally strangers, Sakura." He realizes he means it as he speaks the words and they ring back true in his ears. He doesn't remember exactly where along the road he realized it, through all the déjà vu, or maybe when he saw her radiant face and felt the strangest surge of pride for her, but he is sure of his words. They are not strangers. He is Sasuke, she is Sakura, and try as they may they cannot ignore the fact that they have a long, painful history inked out between them.

"I don't want to hurt you."

With these words, he thinks he sees something flash in those clear, wide eyes of hers. So much more full of expression that his. Then the pools of soft green harden into stony emeralds.

"You already have." Her voice is as hard and cold and raw as her eyes.

They both stand there silently, static, accepting her words. He knows they're true, but he doesn't know what to do. He's only just moments ago decided that he does not want to be a stranger in this life that has been so carefully and lovingly preserved for him. He has only just seen Sakura cast in this new light. He doesn't know how he wants to process it all yet. For once, his Uchiha eyes are slow and uncertain.

But Sakura thinks she has decided what she sees. She sees a boy who has hurt her and who now thinks it's okay to patronize her as she struggles so hard for her reputation. She sees a boy her head tells her to keep a stranger, while her heart tells her to wrap her arms around him and never let go. She's gotten into enough trouble following her heart, Sakura thinks. She gave away all those old romance novels to Ino long ago. They did nothing but aggravate the gaping hole he tore out of her stomach when he left anyway.

The pink-haired girl takes the few steps that separate them in three strong, purposeful strides. He holds his ground. Her body says she's confident, a righteous and angry goddess ready to strike down a mere mortal. Her eyes say she's terrified.

"You are a stranger," she tells him. Her voice shakes. She raises her hand.

No. He's right. Sasuke Uchiha is always right, and confident, and steady. They are not strangers. She'll hesitate, as she did _that day_. There is no way Sakura, caring and devoted Sakura who professed her love once upon a time and still rejects Naruto, can just shut him out...

He is killing her. He doesn't even need a bolt of chidori and he is killing her, Sakura thinks. She knows she has never wanted anything more than to believe him, to accept that he has not lost that sense of regard he had for her over these last hard years. That he cares, to some extent.  
Being a stranger to the man she (still) loves is the absolute last thing that she wants.

But it is what she thinks she _needs_.

She can't been naïve forever, she tells herself. She can't just forget anything ever happened, the way Kakashi and Naruto seem to be intent to. She has learned to have more respect for herself than that, goddamnit.

Her pale hand lashes out, slaps him full across the face, and Sasuke stumbles backward.

He tumbles to the ground, hears ringing in his ears. Two or three of Sakura's face swim across his vision, and he almost feels like he's experiencing vertigo. He clenches his teeth together, fights to stand up without swaying. When he recovers enough to look down into her eyes, Sasuke thinks he sees them softened in regret. He sees an infinite sadness behind them that she has trouble masking. The girl reaches a soft, slender hand out toward him; it glows green and warm. Over her shoulder, Sasuke sees Kakashi and Naruto running over to see what has happened.

He stops her hand before it can reach his face; the posture of him holding her back as she tries to help him dredges up another memory of them together in the old days, during the chunin exam. How had he managed to block all of these? he wonders. She's fucking _everywhere_.

"Sasuke, I can-"

"You can't always just heal everything up and let people pretend it was never there, Sakura. Maybe some people need to fester in the results of the mistakes they have made." He shrugs away from her hand and disappears before Kakashi and Naruto can make it over, leaving her still half-reaching for him. Desperately backtracking.

The lot of them are just forever desperately backtracking.


	3. Myopia

**~ Take me**

**Chapter 3 – 'Myopia'**

* * *

**_So I bare my skin and I count my sins, and I close my eyes and I take it in_**

**_I'm bleeding out, I'm bleeding out for you. For you._**

* * *

As if to add insult to injury, the day after the training disaster a messenger slug comes from Tsunade. The intel that led them to Mist in pursuit of their targets is old or compromised, because the Hokage is informing them now that that they will not be coming across the criminals, who are in fact currently in Wind Country and under Gaara's jurisdiction. It has all been for naught. Tsunade is probably back in Konoha smirking to herself at how nice she has been to essentially give Team Seven a holiday, never guessing the tense, loaded silence that has hung over the little inn for the past couple of days instead. Last night everyone shut his or her door before going to sleep. Even for someone as comfortable and easygoing as Naruto, some emotions must only be let out in private.

Mission aborted. Efforts at relationships aborted, Sakura thinks to herself when she takes full stock of what she has gotten out of these past couple of weeks.

She's on watch, as she contemplates this. The day's journey has left them in an awkward patch too far outside of one village but not close enough to the next, so tonight the four of them sleep outside in tents. Three of them arranged in a circle around the campfire with the fallen log she sits on making the fourth point of the compass, so she can see each of them without turning her gaze, can imagine her boys sleeping below the stretches of dark blue nylon if she likes. Despite being only a few feet from them, she feels very alone out here in the forest. The chill of the wind whipping around her shoulders, trying to force the blanket off of her back reminds her of the frost between them.

Sakura may have had her fight with Sasuke, but Naruto and Kakashi seem to be taking things personally as well. Though they missed the dialogue between the two the other men have been uncharacteristically aloof, and Sakura's at something of a loss about it all. No matter how misunderstood by them she has felt in the past, she always at least felt backed up and cared for - this coldness worries her. She doesn't think she can take it if the two men she has left turn into Sasukes, frosty and terse and dismissive. She pokes a branch from her log into the fire, trying to stir up some embers and alleviate the chill.

"Hey. Sakura-chan, we gotta talk."

She jerks violently underneath her blanket; her preoccupation with the fire has let Naruto's footsteps go unnoticed. Sakura flushes at being caught unawares while on guard duty, quickly abandons the offending branch and lets the flames lick it into smoke and nothingness.

"Sure, what's up?"

The light of the campfire plays strange shadows across Naruto's face, makes any emotions on it distorted and unreadable to her, so Sakura has no idea what's on his mind. He twists the fingers of one hand between those of the other as if he is struggling for the words he wants to say. Sakura arches a pale eyebrow. It's not like Naruto to be unsure or uncomfortable. Blurting out his uncensored opinions seems to just work for him.

"It's about training the other day," he speaks slowly, as if more willing to just let the words die and not have to say what he wants to.

"Oh." Sakura reaches over to pat his hand, immediately trying to smooth things over, put him at ease. They used to be the ones to make her sugary promises that everything would be alright, so willing to protect her from whatever unpleasant reality they felt she couldn't or shouldn't have to face. Those days were a long time ago though; they may not notice it because she can be subtle, but Sakura is constantly soothing, mending, shielding for _them_ nowadays.

"Naruto, Sasuke and I are okay, really. I just got a little too into the fight when I slapped him, but he's okay." The past couple of days had featured an even stiffer than usual Sasuke, brooding with a shadow of a bruise darkening the skin beneath one eye. The physical reminder of their tension probably hadn't helped things any.

Naruto gives her a funny look. "I'm not here to talk about that, Sakura. Actually there's something else that's upsetting me more than whatever issues you and Sasuke are having; I mean it's not like those would be anything new, right?" He sighs.

Sakura's mouth pops open, ready with some shrill retort in response because honestly, she thinks that sounded rude even for him. But his next words make her rethink any comebacks her mind has been angrily racing to come up with.

"That genjutsu. I get that you were trying to beat me same as I was trying to beat you. But that last part, when you let me think I hit you with my rasengan. Sakura, how could you mess with my feelings like that?" His very blue eyes shine at her, and in the flickering light she could almost swear she sees tears swimming in them. The sight makes a lump form in her throat like some kind of fast-acting, cancerous tumor.

"I'm sorry, Naruto," she says quietly, "I didn't think it would upset you so much." This is a lie. In the moment, she has to admit to herself that she wasn't thinking at all about how it would make him feel, only that Kakashi was watching, Sasuke was watching, and she just had to win.

His blond eyebrows fold together at this, darkening his brow, and he shrugs out from under her placating hand roughly.

"_Seriously_, Sakura? You think watching the girl I'm in love with get killed by my jutsu 'wouldn't upset me so much'? Don't you think about my feelings at all?" His sudden, unleashed anger is uncharacteristic; it makes the blood drain out of her face in fear before her mind can even register those three key little words. The waves of his temper make the silence unbearable as she struggles to formulate a response.

"… what do you mean, 'in love with', Naruto?" she finally whispers, green eyes wide, "It hasn't been that way with us in a long time. I mean what about Hinata?"

Naruto goes pale too, as if the words had slipped out in his anger at her and he's only just realizing the implications. The boy swears bitterly under his breath, clutches his messy, blond head between his hands as if he can squeeze out all the thoughts he wishes he wasn't having.

"Yeah. No. I don't know," he groans out, finally looking up from the fire and back at her. Naruto sighs. She waits for him to gather his thoughts. He's kind of surprised that she hasn't punched him or yelled at him yet, like she used to whenever he mentioned anything beyond friendship. The alarming stillness, her silence and seriousness, only serves to worry him. There's no taking this back, and honestly he slipped up, doesn't think he's ready to talk with her about what he's feeling just yet. Not when he himself is so confused.

"I've always wanted you to be happy, Sakura-chan, because that's how much I love you. Enough that I'd rather you be happy even if it was with someone who wasn't me. Why else do you think I promised to bring Sasuke back to you? I could tell that you loved him, and I wanted you to get your shot. I knew I'd be happy if you were happy," he gives her a half-hearted grin, "Besides, we've been friends and teammates for so long that I know we don't _really_ belong together. We fight too much, and it's just too platonic I guess. I've never seen you look back at me with the same thing in my eyes when I'm staring at you," his fingers nervously trace patterns in the dirt and he purses his lips. "But even though I realize that, hey, sometimes the heart just wants what it wants, right? I mean you're so pretty, and smart and nice. A person can't just turn their feelings off at will, right? Takes time, getting over a person."

Sakura feels the truth of his words; hell, it's the same struggle she's been having with Sasuke. But Naruto… she had no idea he was still struggling too.

"I really do like Hinata. I was ready to move on, especially because when Sasuke came back I knew you'd have your chance again, Sakura-chan. I could tell how you were always just sadder, more serious since he left, like he permanently took away a piece of your happiness that you just couldn't get back unless he was here. Not gonna lie, I thought that bastard would finally let you go on a date with him, and you could have your happiness and I could have mine. And even Sasuke could have his; that idiot is definitely too lonely, and I know you would do him a lot of good.

"But he came back and all you did was ignore each other. I know you're kind of nasty with the grudges, Sakura-chan, so I thought maybe you were just trying to punish him or something before welcoming him back. I mean, he's a total asshole and doesn't even deserve you, but I was pretty sure you'd eventually let him in anyway because you still love him. Except you're acting like you _don't_ still love him. Worse than ignoring, you guys are fighting each other. You're both obviously not very happy. I'm starting to wonder if you want him anymore now, or if he can even make you happy. Sakura-chan, I was okay moving on because all I needed was for you to be happy. You were supposed to go with Sasuke and I accepted that because that's what you really want. But if that _isn't_ what you want anymore, if you're unhappy, well I guess that's dragging up all the old feelings or something. Because I need you to be okay, Sakura."

She feels the way her illusionary self must have when that rasengan hit her stomach. Her gut is just constantly full of painful, twisting emotions that take her breath away. Also courtesy of her boys. The only thing that's maybe worse than feeling hurt by them is realizing that she has hurt them herself. She can only expect a certain level of insensitivity from them, because they are tactless boys and will never realize the holes they have dug until they've already fallen in. Naruto is not even trying to be malicious, she realizes. He is genuinely clueless. He wants to see her happy so badly that he sees what he wants to sometimes. He does the same thing with Sasuke, doesn't realize how he's rubbing him raw. But she. She should know better. She's the healer, the team mom, protectress of emotions whether she likes that role or not. She's not supposed to hurt. But she isn't faultless in this.

He can't help but be heart-broken by her. He's always tried to give her what he thought she wanted. But she realizes how much she has hidden from him, how little he knows what's actually in her heart. She hates that it has to be this way.

Goddamn it all; when did things get so complicated between them? Or is it that they were just blind to it before?

* * *

He's a night owl, and even though Kakashi has ordered them to bed so they can make an early start of things in the morning, Sasuke is too restless to come anywhere near sleep. He tosses and turns and groans in his tent until he can't take it. He finally throws off the sheets, quietly pulls on his shoes and a cloak against the cold night air, and slips smoothly out of his tent the back way so that whoever is on watch doesn't see him. He's always been fond of walks; he feels in desperate need of one to help clear his head right now, and he does _not_ want a chaperone.

As he sneaks off into the trees, he can't help but look back to see who is on watch. It's Sakura, but he's surprised to see she isn't alone. Naruto is perched beside her on a thick log in front of the fire; they lean close to each other, and he can just make out their low voices. Unconsciously, he creeps a little closer through the trees.

"- You think watching the girl I'm in love with get killed by my jutsu 'wouldn't upset me so much'? Don't you think about my feelings at all?"

Sasuke freezes up as much as Sakura does at Naruto's words. His fists clench, unbidden, at his sides, and he stops breathing.

The Uchiha recovers quickly though, quicker than Sakura can. Noiselessly, he melts into the woods, taking long, quick strides to distance himself from the campsite. He doesn't want to hear her answer. He doesn't like the realization that it _matters_ to him, that he wants to know.

That it's not any of his business what goes on between Sakura and Naruto, but he _feels_ as if it is.

And that he's suddenly and irrationally angry, his blood running hot despite the cold night.

His walk turns into a run. Sasuke tries to leave it all behind.

But there's no distancing himself from his own thoughts.

* * *

"Sakura. You're done; it's my turn."

For the second time that night one of her teammates startles her out of her gloomy musing; Sakura flinches, looks away from the depths of the fire she'd been starting into and up into Sasuke's face instead. He towers over her, gloomy and impassive looking as always, but his eyes seem to have an extra closed-off quality to them tonight. If she didn't know any better, she'd think he was upset with something.

Sakura ignores it, figures she must be just projecting her own terribly convoluted and racing state of mind onto him. Naruto has long since gone back to his tent, but the state he has left her head in refuses to retire so easily.

"Okay, goodnight," she murmurs, and heads to the tent Sasuke has left unzipped for her. Since one of them is always on watch, there is no point to having four tents when there is the option of traveling a little lighter. So they trade off beds when they switch watches.

Sakura had not realized it was possible for the universe to torture her anymore than it already had within the span of a single, miserable night… until she crawls into the tent Sasuke has abandoned. She zips it up after her, and is immediately inundated by the smell of him in the warm, closeness of the space. He has been in the sheets, and when she pulls them up over her body a thousand memories crash into her, violent as tidal waves, trying their damnedest to bring her under, drown her in her emotions. It's the absolute last goddamned thing she needs right now.

"Fuck," she whispers, her voice cracking as moisture unconsciously wells up in her eyes. The edges around the hole in her stomach throb to life, pulse painfully as if they have just remembered that they are horribly infected.

It's just too fucking much for her. She curls up into a ball and lets the pain take her; she's too tired to try and fight it off anymore. Wraps the sheets that smell of him close around her body, lets the memories of him, the smell of him, the feel of him surround her. If she's going to let the pain come, she may as well be as much of a masochist as possible; it's certainly not going to get any better, so why not get a little perverse enjoyment out of it?

And for once Sakura doesn't feel bitter toward him for doing this to her. If she's brutally honest with herself, she knows that she's the one who has brought this pain upon herself.

There is no rule that confessed love must be reciprocated.

Too bad for Naruto.

Too bad for her.

If she had just been able to keep Sasuke a teammate, a completely platonic friend, she wouldn't be having any of these problems. She could be happy. Naruto could be happy.

'What is wrong with me?' she thinks to herself. It's like wasting perfectly good food and choosing to slowly waste away to death, just because the dish isn't what you prefer. Obviously she knows by now that the tragedy of love is there's no controlling where its arrows land.

Yet she can't help but feel guilty.

Guilty that she lies twisted up in Sasuke Uchiha's sheets, taking in the smell of him and crying because she wants desperately to have a right to this, to being able to wrap herself in his sheets whenever she wants and maybe to be surrounded by his arms too, instead of just fabric. That despite Naruto confessing to her not an hour ago, all she can think about right now is how fucking heartbroken she is that this will never be possible for her.

Why do we give our whole hearts to those who don't care for them?

* * *

Things are definitely still tense and uncomfortable in the morning, between Naruto's confession, Sakura's guilt, and Sasuke's bitter preoccupation. They spend the entire walk in absolute silence until, not too far from the outmost border of Konoha's outlying lands, they stop for food. Kakashi wordlessly distributes food from his pack. Sakura takes a bright red apple in her hands, polishes it against the equally ruby colored fabric of her top, and takes a bite. Warm, sweet juice wells up from where she has bitten; she casually shakes it away before it can dribble onto her and takes another bite.

Sasuke watches her bite into her apple; she doesn't know it but he's remembering one of the last times, years ago, that he was stuck in a Konoha hospital. He remembers at the time how painstakingly she cut and peeled an apple for him, spent so much effort just to spoil him a little. Now she just bites right in. Doesn't try so hard for herself. She doesn't realize how much she matters. He doesn't understand how it's been able to come to that. It's ridiculous really; the three of them, well mostly just Naruto and Kakashi these past few years, always tried so hard to look out for her wellbeing. But in the end they were looking out for the wrong danger, didn't realize what they were doing to her self-esteem. So ironically futile.

His eyes narrow when Naruto saunters over to her, starts chattering. The blond smiles and his blue eyes dance; he seems to be melting out of this group stiffness, and Sasuke can't help but wonder if it has anything to do with how Sakura responded to what he overhead last night. He starts regretting that he hadn't stuck around to listen. That strange, foreign feeling of quick, irrational anger bubbles up in him again, and before Sasuke knows it, his legs are carrying him over to Naruto.

The Uchiha glares at the blond as he looks up to see what his teammate wants.

"Hurry up, you idiot, we're almost home; we don't have time to wait for that. Eat when we get to Konoha," he snaps. Naruto, ever obsessed with his ramen, is currently holding a packet of cold noodles over a match in an attempt to warm them. Sasuke knows it's stupid to pick a fight with him over something so inconsequential, especially because just a few angry words between them escalated so quickly into nasty fighting. But he can't help it. In fact, he _wants_ the excuse to land a punch on his friend. His blood is boiling for it.

Naruto jumps up from his spot on the ground beside Sakura, pokes a finger roughly into Sasuke's chest, and starts shouting right back. He doesn't think about why the blond seems just as thirsty for a fight with him; he's just glad he's not being an idiot bothering Sakura anymore.

The boys glare at each other, get ready to escalate.

* * *

Kakashi watches them, and as he watches them, he _sees_ them. Hell, he can't _stop_ seeing them.

The parallels.

The two fighting boys snapping at each other like wolves. One loudmouthed and vibrant, shouting his feelings without a thought to censure. Who worships her and will boast to anybody about it like some religious zealot. The other with a more subtle yet just as real glint to his eyes. The one who slowly learned to appreciate her, and perhaps too late.

They will fight and she will be caught in the middle of their rivalry.

And he is very afraid that she'll be torn apart by it, ruined like the brunette, doe-eyed Sakura of a past life that he still sees when he closes his eyes.

He knows this and fears this, because he has seen it happen before. He knows the signs.

Kakashi can't let it happen again; he knows he wouldn't be able to take it.

And so he is fiercely protective. He tells himself he won't make the same mistake twice.

He thinks he sees so much, but really he's only looking at the fight between the two boys, not ever at the girl caught between them.

That's one mistake Kakashi is already making a second time.

* * *

They're all so caught up in their fight that everyone is completely taken off-guard when a kunai flies through the air and lodges itself in the apple that Sakura is lifting to her mouth, just inches from her face. Her hand freezes and the apple tumbles to the ground. But she recovers quickly, wrenches the knife from the pierced fruit and turns in time to neatly parry the ninja that lunges for her out of the trees. Three more shinobi follow from the woods, converge quickly on the boys, two on either side of Kakashi and one at Naruto's side.

Sasuke is the one closest to Sakura, and as she is in the most immediate danger, having been attacked first, he makes a move to help her.

"No, go take one of those guys off of Kakashi's hands; I can take care of this guy!" she shouts at him, as she slashes at the tall shinobi she is fighting; she is much smaller but much quicker. He knows she's strong and he trusts her, so he runs to where Kakashi is simultaneously fighting two of the attackers, makes it an even four on four.

"Go back and help Sakura!" the older man yells as Sasuke joins him.

"She said she's got it," the Uchiha moves to deflect a blow from his old teacher's back, and the man doesn't argue.

Their enemies are nothing special, a group of mid-level thugs who must have happened across them in the forest and assumed they could be robbed. Hence the intimidation move with Sakura and the apple; they must have assumed she'd scream, not pick up the knife and give them a stab back. The men aren't anything special, but they're caught off guard, and their nerves are raw from their in-team bickering. Team Seven is a little sloppier than usual. And they make a curious, elementary mistake. They don't communicate with one another.

It's obvious the boys refuse to talk to one another because of the tension between them. The way they fight their respective enemy shinobi, they almost seem to be making a contest of it, a point of pride to ignore each other and be the first of the two of them to defeat their enemy. Any team of four not undergoing such strong issues with their interpersonal dynamics would_never_ go purely one on one like that. They would work together, evaluating the skills of their foe, and combining their own powers in a complimentary way that would end the fight more quickly. Pairing off is not a good idea because there could always be a mismatch, an enemy that would be fought more effectively by a different teammate. And it is dangerous to be absorbed in a separate, completely individual fight. You can't come to the aid of a comrade, or even easily realize if they need help; you're too inwardly distracted.

The group they are fighting is far outclasses by Team Seven, but these men are clearly not bickering with each other. They communicate.

Without warning, the men Sasuke and Naruto are grappling with turn away from their fight with the boys and strike their nearest enemy: Sakura.

She senses them coming as any kunoichi worth her salt would, quickly turns to deflect the two men speeding toward her with a well-placed punch to the ground that throws them off their feet. But in the time it takes her to do this she must turn away from her own opponent, who recovers from a roundhouse kick she had landed on him. He unsheathes a kunai knife and slashes Sakura across the back with it before she can leap out of the way.

She grunts in pain, but it's a shallow wound that honestly looks worse than it is. She decides to patch it up later and focus the entirety of her attention now on ending this fight.

It seems to be a turning point; at her cry all three men seem to step up the intensity of their attacks, and all four fights are over in a matter of a couple more minutes.

Sakura tries to excuse herself a few paces into the forest so she can take off her shirt in privacy to heal her wound, but they fuss at her so vehemently, argue about additional dangers in the forest if she goes off alone, that she just sighs and lets them see her in her chest wrappings. It's not like she hasn't treated them all in various stages of undress at the hospital.

Naruto hovers over her, she hopes with what is concern over her injury and not interest in the fact that her shirt is off, but she still notices when Kakashi pulls Sasuke aside. It's obvious the older man is angry, and that's a sight in itself almost as rare as seeing his face without his mask over it. But she's been going on missions with Naruto and Kakashi for long enough to guess what it's about. She sighs without it having anything to do with the sharp pain in her back taking its time to fade.

~ o ~

"What the hell was that, Sasuke?" Kakashi takes no time in snapping, once they are more or less out of earshot from Sakura and Naruto, "You disobeyed direct orders."

"I was helping you," he raises an eyebrow at his teacher's tone.

"I didn't need it. Obviously Sakura did. If you had been there she wouldn't have gotten hurt. Goddamnit, Sasuke, we're supposed to protect her!"

The young man's eyes narrow as his anger builds in response, "I told you, she refused help; she _said_ she was fine. And she was; she beat him didn't she? You know it's far more common to leave a fight with some scratches and bruises than completely okay." He himself could feel what was promising by its dull throbbing to be a very colorful bruise blossoming on his right side.

Kakashi takes a step toward Sasuke so that he's practically in his face.

"I know how you feel about Sakura, Sasuke, how you've always thought she's annoying, a nuisance. Hell, we were all there when you tried to kill her. But if you're going to be back on this team, you can't just not give a fuck about her. You have to play by our rules; you have to protect her. Do _not_ mess up again when it comes to her, or I will personally see to it that Lady Tsunade recalls the generosity she's shown you and has you locked up. You deserve it if you can't even care about your own comrade."

And with that, Kakashi stalks away from his former student. Just in the nick of time, because Sasuke was seconds away from breaking the man's jaw. His target gone, he has the overwhelming urge to let out the pent up rage at the situation out on some nearby tree. But Sakura is watching him. He struggles to compose himself, gives up, and darts into the forest to find something, anything, to burn to ashes.

But beneath that searing anger, Kakashi's words have done their job. The seed of guilt he has planted starts to unfurl, twisting around and around his thoughts like poison ivy.

* * *

"Don't." Her voice comes from behind him.

They have reacted Konoha without further any further mishaps, including Sasuke being able to calm down enough to not punch their team leader and probably land himself on probation with the Hokage. If he had known what a bitch it would be to come back to the Village after The Craziness, he might have thought twice about becoming an international criminal.

Actually, he's been doing a hell of a lot of regretting lately; that particular choice is just a tip of the iceberg really.

Naruto has run off to grab ramen at Ichiraku before closing, and Kakashi is submitting the mission report. Sasuke turns to meet Sakura's knowing green eyes looking up at him, piercing.

"Don't…?"

"Feel guilty. It wasn't your fault. I know Kakashi is probably giving you shit, saying it was. I'm just saying, I was the one there, doing the fighting. And it wasn't."

He stares at her a long time. Sakura can't read what's in his eyes, but there's an intensity there that she wonders about. He doesn't say anything to agree with her, and the silence drags on, him just looking at her like that.

Sakura raises her eyebrows questioningly. "Okay?"

"Hn," he finally grunts at her after a minute, and they slowly turn away from each other to head their separate ways. But then, on impulse Sasuke turns around again, catches her before she darts away.

"Sakura?"

She stops walking, turns to him, "Um, yeah, Sasuke?"

_What happened between you and Naruto?_

That would be stupid to ask. He tells his idiot brain for the hundredth time that it's not his goddamned concern.

He's silent for a moment, weighing the words he wants to tell her instead. It's something equally important.

"I'm glad you're not dead, you know. I don't think you're annoying, or wish you weren't here. So don't think by not helping you I was trying to get rid of you. I wasn't."

He heads off quickly without a goodbye, leaving her struggling to process his words.

* * *

Sasuke, being a young man who lives alone, isn't really in the habit of keeping things totally neat around his house, and he definitely never comes home from a mission and immediately puts his things away, washes his clothes, does whatever has to be done as the result of a couple weeks' absence. He's tired enough to want to just dig around in the kitchen for something to eat and then have a chance to crash in his own bed again. But his mind is buzzing and keyed up, as it has been all throughout that goddamned mission, and he would really just love to shut it the fuck up. So he results to distracting himself with chores.

He cleans and repairs his equipment, and by the time he's done it's gotten very late. Sasuke decides the last thing he can do it throw his travel blanket into the wash so it'll be ready in the morning.

He pulls the fabric out of his pack and gathers the crumpled mass up in his arms, but before he can head for his laundry room, he breathes into the sheets.

The last time Sakura hugged him was four years ago. He would have assumed the last time would have been sometime in the past few months instead, but he had not really anticipated the reaction she had at his homecoming. It has been a long time. But Sakura is also the only girl who has hugged him – really hugged him, not just latched onto him in a flirty moment – in his life, and done it enough times for him to get used to the scent and feel of her. It's just not the kind of thing he can forget, silly as it is. Emotionally unavailable and bent on revenge as he was, he was also still a 13 year old boy; he _had_ _hormones_.

He can smell her on his sheets, from when they traded spots for watch duty. It is distinctly Sakura.

This shouldn't affect him in the slightest, but somehow it does. He never makes it to the washing machine; the memories that fly up with the faintly sweet smell of her hair paralyze him.

"Fuck," he mutters. Then takes another, deeper breath in.

"_Fuck_."

* * *

**Songsperation shout out to Imagine Dragons; the opening words of this chapter are from their song "Bleeding Out", which is fantastic.**

**Okay, I am ****_seriously_**** going to try to be better about updating this one, guys. It's definitely my favorite fic to work on, although I have also been working on new, quick updates to "Unspeakable Things" (check them out!) I know where I'm taking things, just having a hard time finding the time to get it done. I actually just said "fuck it" and stayed up until 4 AM to finish it and get it off my mind/conscience. So pardon any weirdness; I will edit a little better in the morning after my coffee.**

**By the way, anyone else caught up on the manga just INCREDIBLY EXCITED after that second to last chapter? Yep? Yep? My roommate caught me happy dancing. Poorly.**

**Well read, review, and enjoy!**

**- An Engineer**


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